God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
