He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
