I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
