Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
