There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
