you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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