david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
