Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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