thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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