It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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