And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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