Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize