i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
