you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
