tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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