I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
