So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize