hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
