Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
how drunk are you?
Several
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
