Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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