she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize