do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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