spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
