Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
