Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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