i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
