Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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