your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
