People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
