come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
