So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
