well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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