And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
