Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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