if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
