I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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