there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
