I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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