im drinking this country out of the recession.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize