Define "chronic" masturbator.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize