Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need water and some morals
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
