Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize