you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
