i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
