You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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