It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
