I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
