Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
