No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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