I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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