Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
