hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
