im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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