sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
