i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize