broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
