U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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