Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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