I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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