Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
