At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
