"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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