Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
