Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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