just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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