rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
