I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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