every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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