Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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