It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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