Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
