six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
