Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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