So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
